2019: Recovery

Why recovery? Because we fell a lot. We fell sick a lot. I lost my job. I lost confidence in myself and brought back someone that had no place being in our life. But. We’ve healed. Time and time again.

We have shown that no matter what challenge gets thrown our way, we are able to roll with the punches. My son’s first year in daycare and my first year as a working-single-mom. I was exhausted! Even after losing my job, finding a job was a full-time job. & with having limited income, I cooked A LOT. & to my surprise, I’m not all the time terrible. Of course, I did burn through a pot and a pan trying to make hot chocolate. Had a few bouts of undercooked rice and overcooked chicken, but here we are alive and well.

I learned so much as far as our preferences in cooking (we’ve tried fast food 3 times, it does not agree with my son’s stomach), in leisure outings (nature – playscapes – splashpads are definitely the move), and music (my son is a more funky/groovy/symphonic kind of guy). My son has really blossomed in this second year. He still very private, but he has bursts of joy, comedy, hysteria, anger, conviction, etc. We have had moments of complete fatigue, exhaustion, illness and misunderstanding. Despite, all that we can turn the other cheek and love one another. My son is very intuitive and observant and he loves to understand the mechanics of objects, I can see how that translates into his interaction with others and digestion of emotions. He is truly his own person.

We have a home. We only moved 3 times this year compared to the countless times we went house to house when we were in Houston because there didn’t seem to be peace anywhere we went. Granted, we were with the person that disturbed the peace.

December 5th was the anniversary of our move to Austin. We left to escape toxic situations and to build our lives.

We have space.

We have plants!

We have a support network.

We have a community of friends and neighbors and relatives both close and far. I have also observed and been a part of healthy loving relationships. I have learned more about love, understanding and forgiveness in the past year through my family and friends and my son than I may have in my previous existence.

I understand the full meaning of the quote “some people are here for seasons…” because the lessons that people can teach you shouldn’t take a lifetime to learn. Learn quick so that you can apply them to the remainder of your life. I am learning discernment (constantly) and have learned valuable lessons in:

  • loyalty & love (who deserves this? & to what lengths?)
  • adhering to your principles (what will I stand for? and what am I willing to concede or adjust?)
  • trauma (responding to trauma takes time, don’t blame yourself for not doing the right thing sooner)

Wise people are not often loud or boisterous. They can be and often are soft-spoken. I had a few experiences that were lessons. If I would have listened sooner and practiced some of the advice, I may not have gotten the short end of the stick. But, that’s life. The only difference is my son is able to interact with the consequences of my decisions more vocally and emotionally. That alone has kept me focused and away from whatever personal drama arises.

I have placed value on emotional intelligence and cultivating that for my son within this year. I value people that can give me an unpopular opinion so that I can care for his (and my) emotional wellbeing.

I reread my last blog post of 2018, it’s titled ‘Reluctance‘, but looking back on the past 3 years I would say 2017, the year my son was born, would have been Recognition. 2018, could have been Reluctance, but it was more about Re-acting. 2019, was more proactive and that’s why I would say we’ve recovered. We’ve gotten time to heal. I can only hope and pray that I can manifest a 2020 of Revitalization.

This will be my last post of 2019, but I am excited for the direction of the blog and my online presence. I’ve picked up new technical skills in the past few months and I am ecstatic to build upon them and put them into use 2020.

See you next year nurturers ❤

xx

June

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